Learning to Swim - Part I of my Journey with Android

It’s important that I give you some context for this story. I came of age career-wise during the dotcom era. I was lucky enough to have witnessed or to have been a part of magical-unicorn things such as VPNs, encryption, computer forensics, and handheld devices. I get really excited about being around new ideas and freak out with joy when I see drawings and come to life as tangible objects. My rollercoaster trajectory in tech underscores my pursuit of roles in which I could be at the beginning of things. As a tech journalist, I’ve been writing about the industry since all font was Shrek-green. In other words, I’m Old School.

With that said, I have a confession to make. Despite my perceived pedigree, I have no technical aptitude. I am useless at actually using things. When faced with a shiny new toy, I will stare at it in wide-eyed reverence rather than grab it and start pushing buttons. If you saw my office, you’d know that it’s “The Place Tech Goes to Die”. I use an almost extinct MacBook that functions only because of my begging, I take pictures with the first digital camera ever made, and until yesterday I was using a 3 year-old BlackBerry Bold. That’s almost 600 in device years! I am terrified of change when it comes to the tools of my daily life and I am quite possibly the worst technologist on earth. If I can’t figure it out in two minutes I either: 1. Break it, or 2. Take it back because it’s “broken”.

I was finally pushed to get a new phone when my Pandora radio ceased to function last week. I live for my Pandora radio and run it through the auxiliary cable from my phone to my car stereo. All of my stations were skipping, buffering, or stopping and I was forced to listen to the terrifying sounds of basic FM for several days. I knew that buying a new phone would cause near-immediate anxiety so I sat in the parking lot and sent out a desperate cry for help to my friends, “Getting new phone. Will not be reachable until I learn how to use it. I’ll miss you.”

I knew I would choose an Android capable handset because I wanted to get on the technology bandwagon, I thoroughly believe in Open Source, and I’m really fond of Droid’s tiny green robot character. My choices were limited to what my carrier offers so after a half an hour of careful deliberation, (Which one is cuter? What won’t get lost in my purse? Which one looks like something a tech writer would own?) I chose a Samsung Galaxy S handset. It’s a brick, yes, but damn if Messaging News doesn’t look cool on it! My contacts were ported over, my SIM card removed, my calling plan changed. There was no going back.

The kind salesperson walked me through basic functions and patiently put up with panicky questions like, “How do I answer it!?” and “How do I get Pandora!?” I was very clear about not being able to walk out of the store without functional email, texts and music. Unfortunately for me, none of that occurred. After an hour of fruitless effort, it was clear that I not only forgot all of network passwords, I also didn’t know what my user names were. I went to my car and cried.

Late for an appointment, I fished around in my purse for the now-dead BlackBerry and mourned the times I could actually send a text. I turned on my radio and drove to the appointment listenig to the tortured sounds of Ke$ha.

Stay tuned for Part II of my special journey.